I have a love/hate relationship with waking up late. I love sleeping, but I woke up at 1:30PM today, and somehow it’s already 3:18PM. I feel lazy. And when I wake up late, my appetite is shit.
I have nothing in particular to do today except take a shower and do a little cleaning and laundry, so I’m going to get on the exercise bike for an hour, at least. Maybe more. Thank god we have an exercise bike in the house.
I just posted my weight stats in my side bar.
I weighed myself when I got up this morning, after I used the restroom and what not. Weighed in at 112 pounds. :/ I don’t like that. I have a small frame, I am very short (5 feet). Researched a bit, and on a small frame like mine, I’ve pretty much found that it’s ideal that I be between 100 pounds and 115 pounds. Yeah, 112 is in that range, but it’s on the higher side, and I really don’t like it. Where I gain weight on my body and how it sits on my frame is not good. I mean, I have D cup boobs and a bubble butt due to my genes, which I am totally okay with, and my thighs have always touched, and that’s kind of okay with me, but I can see my weight gain lately, and 112 pounds does not sit nicely on my frame.
I haven’t been taking care of my body very well lately, and now I can see it, and it bums me out to hard. It motivates me a lot, but still. Ugh. :/
A post.
I’ve been drinking more water (though probably not enough) lately. Today, and at this moment, I am on glass 5. Or somewhere close to that. It’s been giving me headaches, though. I know that is probably because I haven’t had near enough water in my system lately, but it’s that uncomfortable headache that sits in the base of your skull and makes your neck and ears hurt.
I’ve been working out in my bedroom since I last posted 5 days ago, adding more simple work outs each time. Targeting my legs/butt and tummy/hips. Doing push-ups as well, but mostly to have perkier boobs, haha.
I have 4 days off work this week (which is annoying… my paycheck will be so pathetic), and the weather is going to be so nice, so hopefully I can get out and go to the gym, and even take my dog to the park and walk/run a few miles around the lake. I think the lake is like, 1.4 miles around, so doing that a few+ times will be good. Need to make a workout playlist. Anyone have any good songs they listen to to get pumped up?
I’m thinking back, a year ago or so, to when I was obsessed with crash diets and cleanses and eating only healthy foods and counting every calorie and working out until I was nauseous. I did lose weight then, and I did see progress when I looked in the mirror, but it yo-yoed and certainly didn’t improve my self-confidence back then. I really do wish I could go back to when I was 102lbs back then, and I fucking plan to, I just really need to get serious about being healthy. I’m excited to find some fitness blogs amongst the thinspiration blogs and gain some motivation.
Here goes my 6/7 (big water bottle…) glass of water.
Time to get serious.
Back again.
But I’m not here for the reasons I was before.
Back when I used this blog regularly, I was in a dark spot in my life. I was depressed and lonely and was having a hard time being okay with myself. I was dealing with a break up after being close friends/dating one certain boy for 5-ish years. Long story short, the break up totally destroyed me and I just went on a self-loathing rampage. I hated who I was seeing in the mirror, because I was seeing a girl that loved this boy still and I didn’t want to see her, so I decided a physical change was needed. And what better way than weight loss, right? Be skinny, be better, I guess? Crash diets and cutting calories became interesting to me because I was too damn sad and tired to do it properly. It’s an interesting world, “thinspiration.” Seriously. I tried a number of different “skinny girl diets,” cleanses, and working out until my body wanted to shut down. “Punishment.” Ya know… I was a sad sack. I went at it for probably three months, I think. My weight yo-yoed a lot, so one week I’d see a change, and the next I’d put back on those 5 or 6 pounds I’d lost the week before. All this bull shit was something for me to keep my mind on, rather than on how sad I was about being dumped.
Before I go on, let me be perfectly, PERFECTLY fucking clear that I have NEVER had an eating disorder, or a body image disorder. I was simply, in the most plain way ever, just sad and found a weird world I could immerse myself in to keep my mind off said boy.
Anyway… after those few months of exploring the thinspiration world, I kind of came to a realization that I wasn’t spending my time wisely; I picked myself up, dusted myself off, put band-aids on the boo-boos, and told myself it was time to move on, no matter how much part of me didn’t want to, and get happy. I stopped obsessing, took a look in the mirror, and said, “Hey, I’m curvy, I love it.” And honestly, that was that. I still continued to work out regularly. I literally just flipped a switch and was on the path to being okay again. Then I met some dumb kid and we started dating. I only dated him for 10 months, and through those 10 months, he went from saying, “Oh you’re so unique and different from everyone else and you don’t care and you’re perfect” to “You need to stop wearing black, stop wearing so much makeup, work out, do this, do that, don’t do this, don’t do that, blah blah blah.” I didn’t take any of it to heart, just sat back and listened and was bored. As time went on, with a mix of the self-loathing I had concurred and love I had gained for myself and having this dumb-ass kid tell me I’m not good enough, I loved myself even more. It hit me that, hey, I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about me. I love the way I look, I love who I am, and how I came to be this way, and fuck anyone who doesn’t love it, too.
I am now in a wonderful, loving relationship with a handsome man, coming up on our year anniversary, and I am happier than ever. Happy with life, love, and myself. And now, this is why I am back again:
I am a short, curvy girl. I got a little junk in the trunk and big boobies and wide hips. And I love it. The only reason I have come back to this blog is because plain and simple, I am not in shape, I don’t eat the healthiest or drink enough water, and I can see it. I am always tired, yet I stay up all night. I get sluggish and slow throughout the day, and I tend to get headaches more than a normal person should. I can see my bad habits starting to show on the outside, and I want to change it. I am not overweight, I don’t think I am fat, but do think I could use some toning and shaping up. I am not in shape at all.
I have simply come back to this blog to utilize it as a “fitness diary” of sorts. Track my exercising, find some killer recipes, and seek inspiration from others who are achieving a healthy lifestyle. That, is, it.
Keeping my URL the same as before, as it really does fit me, no matter which way you look at it. Keeping all old picture posts, too. This will not be a place for “thinspiration” or unhealthiness. This is a positive blog, for a positive and healthy lifestyle. My email address, ittybittyblondie@gmail.com, is still open and going, and if anyone wants to email me for support or anything, I am here for it. Ask box is open, too, as always. Still not going to give out any personal information or my personal blog, though. This is for me, and no one else.
xoxo
